An indulgent end of year blog post
In the history books of my life (widely available in any good narcissistic book store) 2015 would be portrayed as that bleak year where things don’t go quite to plan. My 2015 has been, essentially, a little bit of a shit storm.
I’ve made more mistakes this year than I think I have in my life to date (and I once wore footless leggings in 2006!) and as result have spent most of the year acting erratically to avoid confronting those mistakes. They’re not massive mistakes and ultimately I am still very happy; but there’s nothing like lying in bed on New Years Eve for a little introspection and yep, some absolute doozies this year!
I made some poor work choices, disastrous financial decisions (few people live alone in London for a reason), difficult, badly executed, emotional decisions and it all left me feeling a very unanchored, and a little lonely too. (I feel embarrassed admitting that, but FUCK IT IT’S NYE).
Positively though, after a drawn out, sad, mostly mutual, breakup (where I made some more mistakes) in the Autumn, I quickly found a new boyfriend. He’s called Netflix and we are very in love.
What I probably should have done was to stop, take a minute and try to asses why I’d made largely misguided decisions in early 2015, to calmly consider and evaluate what I actually wanted to achieve and what direction I wanted to head in; but no, I just continued to plough on, widely doing more stuff and new stuff and busy stuff all the time to fill any possible mental gaps for any kind of reflection.
And although it can be widely argued that in life it’s generally not a good strategy, for me that frantic desire for try new things! which generally falls out of unhappiness means that I’ve, almost accidentally, set up a very exciting 2016.
After years of casual mentions of ‘Have you ever thought about doing stand up?’ I decided to give it a crack. I Googled ‘open mic comedy night London’, found one, put my name down, invited some friends, got absolutely rat arsed, felt overwhelmingly nauseous, got on stage and had a go. And since then I’ve done it more, joined a course and met lots of really great people very quickly. And it’s something that I will continue to do more of in 2016, because, I guess is the point, it makes me laugh.
I’m setting up a business. I had never really planned on doing this, but in a whirlwind of my brain chanting do stuff! do stuff! do stuff! an opportunity arose and I accidentally just found myself doing it, and I am very excited at the prospect of having a little more autonomy in my career. Moreover, I am fantastically grateful to have had overwhelming support from my current colleagues over the past few weeks. To be continued.
One of the highlights of 2015 was that the Hulses, as if they had sent a memo, bred. Having a really wonderful tiny little niece and nephew brought to the forefront that I should really spend more time in Stoke, with both my family and my oldest friends. I’m also lucky enough to have a brother who is also my best friend and has given me so much what-am-I-doing-I’m-panicking-my-tits-off-in-a-stairwell advice and support over the past few months, that I probably take for granted. So 2016 I’ll be spending much more time with my family, eating shit loads of oatcakes.
So, pass me the prosecco, because although 2015 hasn’t gone as planned and I’ve done some really daft stuff, I’m kind of grateful for it. It’s reaffirmed that though they are few, I have incredible friends, a great family and lots of exciting/terrifying things to look forward to in the New Year.
And in 2016, I am going to try really really hard to make less mistakes, starting with throwing away those footless leggings.